One Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Bird Flu. It's coming to getcha and you better be bloody scared. As you may have heard on a little known programme called "the news" it's coming to Britain soon. Although nobody knows when, it's clearly the most lethal thing ever known to man. You may have thought that some of the stuff they have been telling you on tv is bad - but I have been doing some research of my own and found out some disturbing facts about the flu. Too disturbing for TV even, but I feel it is my duty to publish them.

First off, I feel I must point out, despite being called bird flu, this can affect both women and (more importantly) men. Don't let the name fool you, it doesn't care what sex you are, it's being let loose and it's hunting you down.

Also, this deadly virus has killed 60 people in over 2 years! 60 people in two years. Lets put this into perspective - our deadly enemy the ball point pen has claimed more people in the same period of time, so I think you know what kind of threat we are up against.

Nextly - you may have heard that Bird Flu can't pass from human to human yet. But guess what - IT ALMOST DEFINATLY 95% WILL DEVELOP INTO A HUMAN TO HUMAN DISEASE. Scientists say it will cause almost as much devastation as SARS, which as we all know the world is still struggling to recover from.

My final piece of advice is to avoid close contact with any birds - this is how the disease is spread. I know it may seem innocent, but no more kissing your chickens or touching up your tits - this way you can be sure that this evil disease is wiped out once for all.

An example of an infected specimen is provided below, in the interest of public welfare. I must warn you it is shocking, but please stay away from these birds for the safety of you and the others around you.