Lost: In Transit

The popular TV show “Lost” has been poached by Sky this week and for those without the knowledge to use torrents (surely “those without digital” – Ed) it’s a long and laborious wait until the inevitable overpriced two part season box set sometime next year. Luckily for all three of you loyal readers, I have managed to get my hands on a script of an as yet unaired episode of the new series to tide you over. Most of the character names were left off the script for some unknown reason, but it doesn’t matter as you can still perfectly understand what’s going on. Here are the highlights of said script;

Scene 1
Man 1: What’s the deal with the others?
Man 2: I don’t know. Remember last episode when we found out one of the secrets about them? That did shed partial light on their mysterious lifestyle.
Man 1: Yes, I do remember that, and although partial light was shone, it lead to even more darkness being cast. That is to say, although it appears that we know more about them, we in fact, know even less.
[Woman 1 enters]
Woman 1: Hello Men
Man 1: Which one of us do you fancy?
Man 2: Yeah. Tell us, the sexual tension is too much.
Woman 1: I cannot to commit to such an answer right now, as a problem involving someone on the other side of the island has arisen.
Man 1: A good job that she had a good excuse. Anyone would think she was dragging this out.

Scene 2
Man 3: This is truly one of my current biggest mental and physical problems I have ever encountered. If only I had had previous experience of a similar problem to this, then I would have the know-how to combat it.

Scene 3 [Flashback]
Man 3: This is truly one of my current biggest mental and physical problems I have ever encountered. Hopefully I can remember the experience I have gained so I can combat similar problems again in the future

Scene 4
Man 1: You were right Woman 1. This is one big problem. One of the biggest in the past 87 and a half days on this island.
Woman 1: Don’t you find it weird how people are consistently commenting on how long we have been here?
Man 2: Viewers will lose track otherwise.
Woman 1: Viewers? Man 2: I mean Hurley. He was in a nuthouse don't you know.

[Flashback to Nuthouse]
[Continue Ad Nauseum]

I'm Trying Not To Use The "Real Bandwagon" Pun For The 3rd Time

Shocking news (is there ever any other kind on here?) today as it was revealed that a mildly popular boyband from the 1990's will not be reforming.

A spokesman for the band said "There isn't any real call for the band to reform, their popularity peaked in 1997, so why return when the only fans will be sad mid 20-somethings who have failed to find a life in the 8 years the band have been out of the public consciousness?"

Horatio McPop, lead singer of the band, added ; "There are certainly no plans to reform at this time. The market is over-saturated with reformers at the moment, so we wouldn't get a fair crack at it anyway"