Hang Time

Prolific shop owner Muhhamood El Friedegg has spoken about the shocking death of Saddam Hussain yesterday morning. "He was the dictator of our hearts and to see his life cut dramatically short makes me question the existence of any higher being".

Whilst this did reflect 100% of the world's emotions on this black weekend, Friedegg pushed through the pain barrier and went on to make, what some would call, outrageous claims -

"I realise that this is a sad time for everyone, but I believe there there has been a miscarriage of justice in this incident. The Iraqi Government wants us to believe this was a tragic clothes-line-fixing accident, but I believe this is a made-up conspiracy to get the much loved Mr. Hussain out of their way once and for all. The Government frequently claim Saddam would get in their way for the plans, but what harm does masses of charity work and appearing on the cover of "Hello Magazine" really do? That is why I am calling for an inquest into the real reason why Saddam died, and I won't rest until my, quite frankly absurd theories are proven correct."

The enquiry is expected to last 10 years and Muhhamood promises to stick his nose in wherever it is not needed along the way and complain about the result at the end, despite the fact nobody really cares anymore and Saddam will still be dead.