Shop Horror

As more of us are shopping online for Christmas gifts with each passing year, it is hard to forget that the corporate giants need us to spend money in real life city centre shops to survive - that is where all the real money is made after all. But with the relative ease of Internet shopping, some critics have condemned real shopping for being "too complex". Is this really the case? We sent 61 year old Barbera McPacker out on the case;

Shopping for Christmas can be troublesome at the best of times, but now I am widely considered by society to be out of touch with practically every aspect of social life, I thought this year would be the trickiest yet to get the perfect prezzies for my loved ones. I particularly enjoy pandering to stereotypes and thus I could not possibly use the computer to buy any presents as I am still opposed to the Spinning Jenny. My only choice for purchasing this years gifts had to be the central business district (don't get me started on these all in one precincts on the junction of the motor highways) and the whole experience was a lot easier than I could have hoped for.

The first shop which I entered was WHSmith as I needed to buy the latest issue of People's Friend. However I soon discovered that they have recently branched out into stationary. However I am not sure if this will take off or not, as I think most people prefer to buy their pens and papers from a dedicated stationers. Likewise with their video and vinyl section which I have heard is rumoured to be opening in a select number of outlets soon.

It was in His Master's Voice where I intended to do the majority of my browsing, as most people I know are younger than me and I know how much youngsters like listening to the latest combos and watching the latest talkies. Of course the problem with this is there is so much choice and so many genres that it would be almost impossible to narrow it down. I seemed to be awash in a reservoir of choice, until one simple sticker gave me all the inspiration I needed. "Everybody loves DVD" it proclaimed. Of course! How could I have been so foolish? I had previously put DVD in the same purchasing bracket as sanitary towels or swede flavoured condoms, in the respect it was something that you would only buy for yourself, or an extremely close loved one who assured you that the product was to their taste.

I then spotted a book on favourite sexual positions. Slightly racy to give as a gift one might say. However another sticker adorned the cover of the book, this time informing me that this was "The Perfect Gift For Christmas". An outlandish claim it has to be said, but of course I had to remember that such a claim could not be printed on a sticker - of all places - if this could not be proven in a court of law.

I would conclude that to entice more shoppers back into the real shops, more stickers must be involved to simplify what is an already overcomplicated Christmas. I can only hope Cooper - My friend who is a blind bishop - will agree when I give him these gifts.