Car Original

Shock befell the nation once more as today's main headline saw that the common automobile that many of us entrust to bring us terrorism let us down as there was finally a 24 hour period within which nobody tried to threaten national security with a car.

ABOVE : A photo of a previous car-based attack on Britain

A Government spokesman said "It is surely a dark day for Britain when the humble car is not used in a plot by terrorists. I would encourage the public to stay vigilant as we can but hope that these foreigners will be back with more car-based stories to fill our papers with."

A high ranking police officer added; "Our intelligence indicates next time the terrorists are moving on from blowing up cars, especially 4x4s and are instead concentrating on using bicycles, trainers and low emission scooters as this will force us into travel into the cars themselves, thus increasing our carbon footprint and slowly increasing our risk of death by icecap"