Prescott Free

The world of politics was dealt yet another devastating blow today, as one of its finest ambassadors declared that he was to step down from his post as deputy prime minister and MP for Hull. John Prescott announced that he would be following in the footsteps of Tony Blair, who left the Labour Party only a few months ago, instead opting to stay out of the limelight in the foreseeable future.

Fellow enthusiast of the political, The Rt Hon H. McNabb noted: "It won't be hard for Mr. Prescott to stay out out the limelight, because he has shone away from it the majority of his political career. For many members of the general public this news story will most likely be ignored as yet another anonymous duffer resigning from a Government they were to apathetic to even look up on Wikipedia, never mind vote for. But although he is relatively unknown by the masses, he has indirectly touched the lives of many by spending much of the taxpayers money in a truly unique way"

JP also announced a farewell tour today, similar to that taken by Mr.Blair earlier this year. However, while that tour took place over the several months, Mr. Prescott has decided that his farewell will be slightly longer than that of the man which he dubbed "most famous Blair since Lionel". In fact 10 years longer, so long in fact that to pack everything in he had to start his farewells in 1997 which explains why his political style has been notably relaxed - although sometimes unfairly dubbed "irrational, amateurish and irresponsible" by certain extreme publications such as The Funday Times.

From September, he will start what has been dubbed "the lap of honour" on his decade long farewell which include popular holiday destination Disney World, which responded so well on earlier visits on the tour that to fail to visit them again would be a discredit to prezzer's fans. He will also appear on numerous TV shows including doing a lap in one of his Jags on Top Gear, whilst the Stig races the other, Look North, Calender, Ready Steady Cook, Mastermind, Car Booty. He has already pre-filmed an appearance as an assistant on Countdown's "Dictionary Corner", where he was given an award for "Most Articulate Participant"

Unofficial Bandwagon Alert

Before I get started, I'd like to make perfectly clear that there will be no (intentional) humour in Today's post - so I apologise for anyone who came here looking for a proper update and instead found this almost self congratulatory editorial explanation. You may leave now and I might post something in the next week that will be of interest to you - or maybe on the last day of the month as usual.

For those of you who have decided to keep on reading, you may well have been observant enough to notice that I've had a spring clean of the blog. The main reason for this was that I felt the overall look of the old blog had run its course, the writing was small and unclear and that rarely helps any humour to flow. The old design also came into question when I was checking the blog in Internet Explorer and for some reason it looked slightly different, and not in a pleasing way either. I myself use firefox and I foolishly presumed that i)so did everyone else who would ever want to visit this site and ii) that it wouldn't look the slightest bit different in IE anyway. I remember checking the site in IE briefly when it launched on blogger last August but not checked frequently since. Anyway with this new look I have checked the look in both browsers and it looks fine.

Another rectification is the search function, located towards the end of the sidebar, now properly works - or at least it did when I tested it earlier. So now you can search away to your hearts content to find some of my hearty content.

Hopefully with a clearer and more concise blog this will mean it's a lot easier to use for everyone. Let me know of any thoughts you have on this new look, or any bugs or anything in the comments box.

False Dawn

Further claims have hit the previously unblemished world of mainstream media and show business today as yet another formerly trusted outlet of information has forever had its record blemished. Following the now infamous scandals on GMTV with their phone in feux pas and the BBC's horrific head o' state howler it has now come to light that there has been a sequence of sizable slip ups in one of our most beloved ink and paper based pre-tommorow fishwrap tomes.

The Daily Bandwagon, by their own admission "one of Britain's biggest selling newspapers" (even though if you really think about it that slogan makes little sense) yesterday printed a story which later turned out to be entirely true, something which many readers are outraged about.

"I don't buy red tops for the truth" one reader, Mr Phil Space said in response to our shameless 'Send us your thoughts so we don't have to create any original editorial opinion' appeal launched on the site yesterday "I read it for unsubstantiated rumours written by lazy hacks. If I wanted truth I'd read a proper paper, but now I'll have to watch TV documentaries for my deliberately misleading needs"

The editor of The Daily Bandwagon, Horatio McNabb last night resigned from his post and apologised to all he had offended by his gross misconduct

"I am sorry that I have gone against everything that The Daily Bandwagon stands for. In my defense when I put the story in, it was close to deadline time and I couldn't think of another lie fast enough, and I didn't think anyone would believe that the Jasper Carrott sitcom "All About Me" wasn't coming back for another series - after all it is top quality"

The Bandwagon Trust are meeting today to see how they can regain the trust of the public, and ordered a 48 page pull out about Brand Beckham's effect on the Iraq economy to immediately go to print.

Car Original

Shock befell the nation once more as today's main headline saw that the common automobile that many of us entrust to bring us terrorism let us down as there was finally a 24 hour period within which nobody tried to threaten national security with a car.

ABOVE : A photo of a previous car-based attack on Britain

A Government spokesman said "It is surely a dark day for Britain when the humble car is not used in a plot by terrorists. I would encourage the public to stay vigilant as we can but hope that these foreigners will be back with more car-based stories to fill our papers with."

A high ranking police officer added; "Our intelligence indicates next time the terrorists are moving on from blowing up cars, especially 4x4s and are instead concentrating on using bicycles, trainers and low emission scooters as this will force us into travel into the cars themselves, thus increasing our carbon footprint and slowly increasing our risk of death by icecap"

Strange Meeting

The entire world was once again in shock today, as it was revealed that two people who had previously spent some time together, once again spent some further time together. The pair, pictured below, had not met up for sometime and as such it was even more surprising when they were spotted together yesterday.

"I just couldn't believe it," one onlooker told us "I mean there are somethings in this world which totally blow your mind and this is one of them. I mean, these two people who know each other? Together? I am just glad I was here to witness this historic reunion"

The meeting of these two brilliant human beings started when people around them began to take lots of pictures, noticing the two were finally together again. Coincidentally, and some might say poetically, the meeting ended when the now sizable crowd ceased the picture taking. The reason for the sudden split rumoured to be the heightened emotions of this once in a lifetime chance meeting being too much for the pair.

Fool's Gold

The public were in outrage today as they had been hooked in by what some had called "a petty and unnecessary hoax". The popular [sic] website Bandwagon Best was seen to have a fresh new post on it's front page early on Sunday morning, which the websites reader's were understandably happy about. It wasn't until the Bandwagon's loyal band of followers finished the first paragraph, however, until they realised that there was something wrong;

"I should have seen it coming," one fan told us "I sort of knew it was too good to be true, he'd only updated the website on Friday it was far too soon for him to post a new one, especially with the way that he's been slacking off recently. Thing is I was just so excited to see a funky new trend hilariously taken to pieces I didn't care how fast I read it or what it was about. Turned out it was about nothing at all and then I looked at the calender and wondered why I'd been so foolish."

Another fan was equally as embarrassed. "He's gone too far this time. He hardly puts any effort into the website as it is anymore and now he posts this self-referential rubbish. He's up his own arse if you ask me"

Mr. Best, was upset that fans felt this way, but offered no apology, stating "having such a convenient bandwagon on April 1st means that I won't have to post another entry until the end of May"