Hang Time

Prolific shop owner Muhhamood El Friedegg has spoken about the shocking death of Saddam Hussain yesterday morning. "He was the dictator of our hearts and to see his life cut dramatically short makes me question the existence of any higher being".

Whilst this did reflect 100% of the world's emotions on this black weekend, Friedegg pushed through the pain barrier and went on to make, what some would call, outrageous claims -

"I realise that this is a sad time for everyone, but I believe there there has been a miscarriage of justice in this incident. The Iraqi Government wants us to believe this was a tragic clothes-line-fixing accident, but I believe this is a made-up conspiracy to get the much loved Mr. Hussain out of their way once and for all. The Government frequently claim Saddam would get in their way for the plans, but what harm does masses of charity work and appearing on the cover of "Hello Magazine" really do? That is why I am calling for an inquest into the real reason why Saddam died, and I won't rest until my, quite frankly absurd theories are proven correct."

The enquiry is expected to last 10 years and Muhhamood promises to stick his nose in wherever it is not needed along the way and complain about the result at the end, despite the fact nobody really cares anymore and Saddam will still be dead.

Still Steaming

At last! Bandwagon Best is 50 (posts old)!

That's right, what takes a dedicated blog writer no more than two months to achieve, we have achieved in just under two years. To celebrate this meaningless milestone and to cover up the fact that we have so little worth saying on here these days, here are some interesting stats and facts about the Bandwagon.

• Including this post, there have been 50 entries to Bandwagon Best to date. 50 is often thought of as a significant number as it has a 0 as it's final digit. It is more significant than most of the other numbers that conclude in 0 as it is exactly half of 100 - but of course it is not as important as 100 itself as that has two 0's.
  



• Although there have been 50 posts, there has only ever been 10 jokes published, most recycled over and over again. Of those 10, Chris has only ever thought of one all by himself, stealing the others from Private Eye, Have I Got News For You, an old issue of The Beano and Vanessa's Real Lives



• Bandwagon Best was given a cease and desist order in the summer of 2005 for publishing the word "cough" in an article entitled "Bugger Cough". The word had been trademarked by Teqwin Whittock 12 months earlier. The matter was settled out of court when Mr. Best agreed to donate his fee from the article to the charity "Victims Of Strepsil Misuse"



• On 4th October this year the website received it's biggest amount of hits ever - 6 in one day, a new world record at the time. This was sadly surpassed when the BBC revamped it's Last Of The Summer Wine site with an all new bathtub racing game.



• The most popular phrases that link to this site via Google include "Otters eating muffins", "Blind Wagon Beasts" and "Lemar/Lemur lookalike comparison"



• Noteworthy fans of the website include Mcauley Culkin - "I read it whenever I'm Home Alone", quipped the pint-sized funster.



• Creator Chris Best says he can see no end in sight for the Blog "After 50 posts many might think we've run out of steam. I assure you, we have plenty of stories to make fun of yet", he said as he opened up the latest edition of Private Eye.
  

Shop Horror

As more of us are shopping online for Christmas gifts with each passing year, it is hard to forget that the corporate giants need us to spend money in real life city centre shops to survive - that is where all the real money is made after all. But with the relative ease of Internet shopping, some critics have condemned real shopping for being "too complex". Is this really the case? We sent 61 year old Barbera McPacker out on the case;

Shopping for Christmas can be troublesome at the best of times, but now I am widely considered by society to be out of touch with practically every aspect of social life, I thought this year would be the trickiest yet to get the perfect prezzies for my loved ones. I particularly enjoy pandering to stereotypes and thus I could not possibly use the computer to buy any presents as I am still opposed to the Spinning Jenny. My only choice for purchasing this years gifts had to be the central business district (don't get me started on these all in one precincts on the junction of the motor highways) and the whole experience was a lot easier than I could have hoped for.

The first shop which I entered was WHSmith as I needed to buy the latest issue of People's Friend. However I soon discovered that they have recently branched out into stationary. However I am not sure if this will take off or not, as I think most people prefer to buy their pens and papers from a dedicated stationers. Likewise with their video and vinyl section which I have heard is rumoured to be opening in a select number of outlets soon.

It was in His Master's Voice where I intended to do the majority of my browsing, as most people I know are younger than me and I know how much youngsters like listening to the latest combos and watching the latest talkies. Of course the problem with this is there is so much choice and so many genres that it would be almost impossible to narrow it down. I seemed to be awash in a reservoir of choice, until one simple sticker gave me all the inspiration I needed. "Everybody loves DVD" it proclaimed. Of course! How could I have been so foolish? I had previously put DVD in the same purchasing bracket as sanitary towels or swede flavoured condoms, in the respect it was something that you would only buy for yourself, or an extremely close loved one who assured you that the product was to their taste.

I then spotted a book on favourite sexual positions. Slightly racy to give as a gift one might say. However another sticker adorned the cover of the book, this time informing me that this was "The Perfect Gift For Christmas". An outlandish claim it has to be said, but of course I had to remember that such a claim could not be printed on a sticker - of all places - if this could not be proven in a court of law.

I would conclude that to entice more shoppers back into the real shops, more stickers must be involved to simplify what is an already overcomplicated Christmas. I can only hope Cooper - My friend who is a blind bishop - will agree when I give him these gifts.